Maleficent
I
think she was too happy as a child,
spent
too much time in solitude and stories
where
knights and ladies were in a world of good
and
thought herself one of them.
She
spent too much of herself in solitude and stories,
gave
smiles to those who pushed her down
and
thought herself one of them.
No
one told her otherwise.
She
gave them smiles when they pushed her down.
In
her mind she would end as the heroine
And
no one told her otherwise so
the
world inside her head flourished.
In
her mind she was always the heroine
but
it wouldn’t hurt to teach them a lesson.
The
world inside her head flourished
and
she chose how to show it to them.
It
wouldn’t hurt to teach them a lesson.
Suddenly
she was looked on with fear
and
she chose how to show them
in
her anger, how wrong they were.
They
led her into it like a darkened room,
knights
and ladies doing a world of good.
They
let her know her misunderstanding,
they
thought she was too happy as a child.
2 comments:
The tricky thing is that first line, which is actually iambic pentameter, the familiar rhythm of Shakespeare and a lot of great blank verse. I don't think you need to fool around with rhyme at all in this poem; but I do find the iambic feet so strong (it is the natural cadence of English, in fact) that if you're going to break it I think you have to do so carefully, and cleanly. The second line can also be read as iambic—even the third could be edited a little to conform, but the last line of the first stanza just won't work. I like the line ("and thought herself one of them"), but if I was reworking this myself, I'd fiddle with it and see how an iambic rhythm would work. I think the iambic feels right because of those knights and ladies and the fairy tale plot. I love "They led her into it like a darkened room"—what an image! That last couplet, "They let her know her misunderstanding," and then the changing of the line to "they" thought she was too happy as a child, works very well, and darkly, to baleful effect.
p.s. I think you need a comma after "otherwise"—a very small quibble. And Andrew, you probably should have looked up Maleficent: the name of the Wicked Stepmother in Disney's Sleeping Beauty. (And more recently in a movie all her own.)
I like the story this poem tells. The idea that Maleficent would come up happy and turn to evil is great (It's very Breaking Bad-esque). It also speaks to the darkness in any person no matter how they appear on the outside...
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