Ashley Smith’s Pantoum
With open hands and eyes, look up as you pray to the great spirit.
Look closely, get a clear view,
Your directions are outlined,
Your path is unwinding.
Look closely, get a clear view.
What you need is now what you know,
Your path is unwinding,
Keep to the right.
What you need is now what you know.
A journey with a peaceful destination,
Keep to the right,
Find what can never be found.
Attain an eternal connection,
Your directions are outlined,
Guidance is key.
With open hands and eyes, look up as you pray to the great spirit.
2 comments:
I really like the parallel between a spiritual journey and a physical journey, and the 2nd person perspective works well. The simple phrases are beautiful, and my favourite is probably "Guidance is key."
At first I disagreed with the way you'd used short lines after that long expansive opening line—but when I got to the end I found it was very satisfying to have that long line repeated, a pair of enclosing arms around the short, simple instructions of the rest of the poem. "Keep to the right" works very nicely in both senses, in the middle of that journey you describe.
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