Moonshine Fire
Leather straps sway in the moonshine night.
Spark meets tinder and makes a roaring fire.
Brothers tell sisters it will be alright.
Hearts grow weary as souls begin to tire.
Tinder and spark are now a roaring fire.
Jagged circle opens and a voice chimes in.
Weary hearts glow as souls do aspire.
Climbing so high the air gets thin.
Circle sounds jagged with voices of tin.
Mouths hang open as eyes begin to flutter.
So high now the world begins to spin.
Fire calmly watches the circle shutter.
Open mouths hang as voices sputter.
Sisters tell brothers to keep up the fight.
Circle listens close to the fire mutter.
Leather straps lay around the moonshine rite.
By Andrew Evans
2 comments:
This poem shows a group of people worn down and in need of a pick-me-up. They spend some quality time around the fire to bond and get back some energy, so in the end there's a sense of hope and revitalization. I like the sense of community in the poem and the sight and sound imagery is really strong. I think you did a good job placing yourself in the scene and the continuity in the rhythm of the lines makes it a smooth read. I also like the onomatopoeia, although the word "shutter" didn't quite fit to me. My favourite line was "Climbing so high the air gets thin."
It's funny, I'd had a much darker vision of this poem than Jess recounts here ("I have a darker analysis"). I saw it as taking place in an old, difficult time, in a small and beleaguered community like travelling tinkers or gypsies or pioneers of some kind. I love that "So high now the world begins to spin. Fire calmly watches the cirle shutter."
I like very much the rhyme you're using here, particularly flutter-shutter-sputter-mutters. I'd say "wordplay" but again, it feels like a dark, almost frightening story to me.
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